YOU HAD ME AT GOODBYE!

I’m so glad you were able to find me to read this. I don’t recall if I ever got this off my chest. But for emotional efficiency, I’ll go ahead and knock this out again. Laying in my bed, alone. Not one teardrop is falling my my eyes. It was 9:15pm. And I thought, finally…I can breathe again. That’s what was going through my mind the night we parted. It was so suffocating when you were around. Now I can do my normal daily activities without you hovering over my shoulder. There were times where I would fake sleep just to avoid conversation with you. Looking at you, especially after you just picked a fight with me, became more and more painful each day. Or maybe it was just your damn face that did it. Without you even opening your mouth. Your insecurities. All of your blame. The finger pointing. The melodramatic way you always made me the bad guy. Your guilt. Your distrust. Your lies. Because you weren’t able to get over me, you became a lying loquacious idiot. A true bitch in the making.

I cared about you, even though you didn’t deserve it. I satisfied you, despite of how unattractive you were to me. I trusted you, even though from the beginning you lied to me. I loved you, still, no matter how many times you broke my heart. Sometimes I wonder what did I ever see in you. Or why is it that the truth was lying right in front of my face, but I chose to ignore it? I learned the hard way. Over and over again. Silly of me. Did you know that every time I asked you for the truth, I already knew it? Did you know that 90% of the time, I faked it? Did you know that I never respected your father? Did you know that I was still in love with someone else? Did you know that I was scared to have a future with you because I was frightened at the fact that my future was going to turn out just as ugly as you?

Remember the time you called me, begging for forgiveness and for us to have a second chance? I had you on speaker phone the whole time so my man can hear you. We had a great laugh that night.

Okay, okay, so you broke up with me. You’re the bred winner, correct? WRONG. Have you ever sat and thought of everything that actually led up to that point? Or what about the way that I pretty much LET you leave? That wasn’t unusual to you? I practically rushed you out of my life. Was it premeditated? Planned? A fantasy of mine? I don’t mean to interrupt your conception of how things ended but, it ended before you told me “goodbye”.

Is this in reference to you directly? Or to the one I was with before you? Hmm. Good question. I’ll tell you what…..if any of my statements that I have said hit home somehow, and made you feel reallyyyyy guilty, then yes…I was talking about you sweetheart. Maybe not this vent in it’s entirety. But you were definitely in my thoughts while I typed this. Get in where you fit in honey. I’m sure you’re already snug though.

I was actually excited when you said goodbye. Finally, I’ve gotten the chance to get out of a relationship, without being the bad guy. How cool is that! Huh?! Because from the moment we got together, I knew it wasn’t going to last. Thank you so much for letting me go. I wouldn’t have, what I have now, if you never lost a grip of your manhood. Or lack thereof. It’s amazing how one man’s lost, is another man’s gain. You whine and complain about how there are “no good women out there” yet when there was one right in your face, you didn’t know what to do with her. So you left. However, someone knew what to do with her though. And he does it very well.

Ultimately sweetie, saying goodbye to me, ended up being the moment where I loved you the most. Thank you.

Rumors, Lies, & The Truth

Rumors. Why do people start them? Why do we create them? Why do we entertain them? There are many reasons why rumors are out there about us. I don’t recall ever spreading a “rumor” about someone, but I do recall entertaining them. Is it because I’m a lonely miserable bitch? No. I just simply repeated what was told to me. And I always make sure to rectify the fact that it is a rumor. “It was rumored that….” or “well, so they say, who knows if it’s true“. We all are guilty of that, lol. Most of us gossip amongst our friends, significant other and even at work. But when does it become sad? When can you really title it as pathetic? I’ll tell you when. When the person is spending most of their leisure time, making sure that those lies are being capitalized on. They promote it like it’s their own commercialized profit. You often wonder if they’re getting. You ever had someone tell you something…and then when you don’t give a big reaction to it, they seem to add extra information towards the original news? 9 times out of 10 they were lying all along. For example:

them: gooorl, guess who’s pregnant?
you: who?
them: Precious! Can you believe it!?
you: oh, pfft…I been knew that. So what?
them: oh..well…SHE ALSO CHEATED ON HER HUSBAND!
you: ‘_’
Act like you never had a person do that before? (lol). Anyways, whether they’re telling it about you or your worst enemy…don’t even entertain it. You have to learn how to deal with rumors and just brush them off instead of going 100% harder than the person that’s actually trying to ruin your reputation. Ya’ll both look like a bunch of jackasses. Don’t reply to their bullshit, don’t explain yourself, don’t try to validate your points. Just refrain from entertaining it. All that energy you’re placing into acknowledging them is actually just fueling the fire even more. And if they’re a professional pathetic, they’ll keep on going, even after you digress. The main reason why liars have the ability to keep going is because of one rule : They will forever have ammo on you because they simply make that shit up.

I, for one, don’t go by what people say about a person. I like to see it for myself. Just because I treated one man like a bitch, doesn’t mean I’m going to treat you the same way. Our actions are according to what’s presented to us. Common sense tells us we should accept people for who they are based on our individual experience with them. Learn to just really brush shit off if and when someone has something untruthful to say about you. Regardless of what you say or do, there will always be 2 outcomes = they’ll either believe it or they won’t. So why even waste your time? I surely don’t. I used to waste my time trying to prove people wrong but like I said before, you’re damned if you do & you’re damned if you don’t. So I don’t. Especially to frivolous insecure people who were dying to find a flaw or an error in my way, capitalize upon it, and then try to “rise” above me. Please. It’s not my duty or responsibility to change the minds of other people. The nature of their thinking is advanced or limited by their experiences with me. Or in better terms, lack thereof. In your presence, people have the opportunity to learn about you and, perhaps, to grow & love you. Some choose to take that route, while others decide to go against you. My only responsibility is to the one towards myself & my fiance. What’s yours?

To Whom It May Concern

Dear Friend,

I know this letter may come as a surprise to you but I felt the need to have some closure with you. Just to say a few things that I never had the chance to say the last time we spoke. I am very aware of all of the things you have said and are saying about me. Even more so, what you're trying to do to me. Let me be the first person to let you know that it's not working. The only thing that makes me upset is the nature behind your intent. You're painfully trying so hard to to make me unhappy and it's really not working. And you know this, lol. When are you going to give up & get over it? Get over me? You're actually increasing my happiness by making me laugh. I ridicule your failed attempts. I have friends & people that actually knows what the real deal is, who points and laugh at you because you've become obsessed & pathetic. As a matter of fact, we once had a conversation about what we felt was "lame", and now you're a living breathing example of the things we discussed. Let me take the time out to inform you why you're so mad at me. Shall I? I'm attractive, successful, independent and is very belligerent towards the safety of my loved ones, hard earned accomplishments & my happiness. And you secretly wish that was you. That you could do and say what you want and handle any form of consequences that may lead your way because of it. You have to succumb to putting on a show, being false, acting (otherwise known as fronting) and be something that you are not. You confuse your emotions like you confused everything else that goes on in your life…and mine. So while you think I'm this ugly, fat, Oprah wanna-be, bitter, immature, shit talking, self-centered, nigger, heartless bitch, you really want to be me. You yearn the ability to move on as efficiently as I do. You yearn the popularity I achieve, without even trying to be popular. You yearn the freedom I got. Freedom of speech, movement and public emotions. You want the freedom to just be yourself, but you can't, because you're afraid. Afraid of what people think or will say about you. Unlike I do. My unlikeliness to give a remote fuck what people think urks your very last nerve. You are painfully jealous at the fact that I can go through so much bullshit in my life and still stand here today strong as ever. You despise the fact that my thoughts, my words and my opinions affect so many. Both positive and in negative ways. You wish you had that power. You can't do that. No matter how hard you try. But I can. And for that and that alone, you hate me. Oh…don't get me wrong boo boo. I don't think you hate me in the sense of "I want that bitch dead" but you hate me in the sense that you are unable to think for your fucking self. You have to follow that pattern of "let me try to destroy Marcus's reputation & esteem" due to lack of your own self-worth & acknowledgment. Why do you even care anymore? I thought you said you moved on? Recent activities proof that you haven't, however. If you don't like me, or don't want anything to do with me, then why are you trying to be so active in my life? You've told me (and others) alllllllllll these things you don't like about me, but yet you still involve yourself in my surroundings. You observe how I carry myself, who I hang out with, things I say and still complain about what I'm doing. Isn't this like a form of obsession? Then when I comment upon your actions, you got the nerve to tell me that "I'm trippin" or to "leave you alone". LOL, are you kidding me? I thought I could be one of those people who sits around contentedly, ignoring how the people around me behave, trying to deny what I've observed. But now it seems like ignoring you makes matters worse. I see it like this, in any way possible you're crying for my attention. You want it. You need it. You're parched for it. As much as you can't stand me, there's something about me you yearn. If you dislike me so much, then keep it moving you thirsty bitch. Keep my name out your mouth and convince me that you have truly moved on and got over it. I didn't know an individual that's not in your life can place so much affect into it. Keep on being catty, keep on spreading the rumors, keep on trying to disrespect me, keep on trying to get under my skin, keep on slandering my name and keep on placing me on your "To-Do" list in your daily tasks. Keep on keeping on. I am honored and disgusted all at the same time. Bravo. Kanye West said it best when he said In closing, I'd like to present an ultimatum to you. You have the choice of one of three things: a) Move on with your life maturely and leave me alone. b) Find someone, with a fabulous style, who reminds you of me & befriend them. c) Kill yourself. According to your relentless actions, option "c" seems to suit you best.

Fuck you politely,

Marcus